Have you ever felt stuck and sinking as a result of your own decisions? It could be a career choice. A promotion you took because … why not? Or even a project you accepted because if it’s not you then who?
Maybe you grew up following a high standard. Forced to iterate until meeting expectations, even for a simple calligraphy class. Then the expectations became second nature and started living in the back of your mind. Now it’s a voice that keeps pushing you. The voice got you far, but now it’s just toxic fuel.
If you relate to this, then you are prone to falling into the quicksands of achievement.
I’ve been there, and this is a reminder for you and for me. So we don’t get easily trapped again. Once you know how it works you can stop sinking so fast, and find a way to pull yourself out.
I cannot say this is something you overcome. But something you get good at with practice.
What are the quicksands of achievement?
Let’s start by explaining quicksands. Turns out they are not exactly as in the movies. It’s basically sand oversaturated with water. Quicksand is denser than a human body, so you can’t be fully swallowed.
The tricky part is that quicksand can feel solid, yet suddenly liquefy, leaving you stuck. This is not because of gravity, but because struggling and movement make it harder to escape.
The quicksands of achievement are traps you step in unknowingly when you are over-focused on the goal so much that your perception switches from the gain to the gap.
When you measure forward all you see is the long exhausting way ahead. On the other hand, measure back, and you see how far you’ve come. Dan Sullivan calls it a life-changing perspective.
While focused on the gap, you push harder. And instead of moving forward, you sink deeper.
The more you resist, the harder it gets.
The dangerous part is that at some point in your life you learned to ignore your inner world. So you ignore the quicksand. By the time you realize, it’s too late. The sand presses so hard you can’t move. You’ve reached a point where the only way out is with help. I was once there, a couple of years ago which made me good at spotting it.
How to deal with the quicksand?
The worst thing you can do is to ignore it. You cannot avoid the quicksand either. It’s part of life.
What has worked for me is SLOW: spot it, loosen my grip, observe what’s around me, and work with my body; so I can slowly get out.
- Spot it: Difficulty concentrating that results in procrastination. Higher levels of cynicism. The knee-jerk reaction is to look for a distraction, but what you really need is reflection. Stay with the discomfort instead of escaping into distraction.
- Loosen your grip: If the gap is or feels bigger than the gain, think about what’s bothering you and reframe it in time: “will this bother me in 5 days, 5 months, 5 years?” If there’s an immediate action, take it, otherwise slowly accept it as a temporary reality. Basically you learn to relax so you stop sinking deeper.
- Observe around you: When you over-focus on one thing, you lose perspective of everything else. And as the saying goes: when you focus on what you don’t have, you lose what you have. Look around you, people, practices, places that can help you get out of the quicksand. What lever can you use to your advantage? Be careful, even a useful lever can hurt you when pulling too fast out of the quicksand.
- Work with your body: Sometimes you cannot think your way into right action, you need to act into the right thinking. Many times you can rationalize what you feel, but the body won’t let go. This is a pick your own adventure step. Some ideas: do some meditation, Physiological Sigh, Humming Breath, or Yoga Nidra. While some of these practices give an instant relaxation feeling to your body, the real benefit comes after a consistent practice.
Accept your current situation with the heart to fight and the mind to look at the wider picture. What’s actually within reach right now that you can change and that can prevent you from sinking more?
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